Thursday, 12 February 2015

Spoken Words: Marry My Vagina


(At birth)

Nurse: It's a little girl.

Mother: (tears in her eyes) Thank you God.
Father: (tears in his eyes) Why god! Why couldnt you give me a son who will work on the farm and earn me money. He would have been my support at old. Why did you give me a daughter who will be such a burden. I will have to pay dowry at her wedding and .. oh why did you this god? 
Baby: Who are these people? Who am I?

(At the age of 16)

Middle man/woman: So I was at the tea party yesterday and Mrs. Wrong's sisters, nephews, grandfathers, neighbors, dentist, daughters, boyfriends, aunts, nieces sister-in-laws son is in town. He is 25 years old. Tall. Fair. So handsome. He is a Doctor. Such a good boy. He lives in America. the family is so well off and I am sure Beti will be so happy there. 

(Let's showcase the daughter)

Mother: Beti, put on your good sari. Platte your hair nicely and apply some nice make up. Come and make some tea. Make sure the tea is good aacha. 

Enter the entourage from groom (to be's) side:

Nice house. 
Nice sari.
Have you lived here all your life?
How old is your daughter?
Can she cook?
How many sweets can she make?
Is she good with children?
She will need to look after our elderly parents too. 

Meanwhile, seated very nervously is the scared little 16 year old vagina who would rather be outside playing with her friends. She has homework to finish and two tests to read for. She has to collect her school uniform from the line and iron it for school tomorrow. She wanted to wash her school bag and clean her room too. BUT NO!! All of that can wait. More serious matters are being discussed child.! Your future is being discussed child.! This moment right here will determine if you will even continue with your education CHILD.! 

I am sorry what? You were coming first in class? And so? Can you cook? 
What? You are dux of the school - brilliant little child. But can you look after elderly grandparents? Oh you wanted that scholarship to become an engineer? Can you look after children? 

WAIT I am confused here - isn't she a child herself? She can't even make the decision of going to a field trip without parental consent and you want to marry her off?? 

Oh deary me. 

In comes Beti wearing sari, holding tray with cups of tea and trying not to make eye contact with anyone. 

The mumbling begin:

She's a bit dark aye. A little short. Slightly chubby. Her hair is oily. 

REALITY CHECK!! She could be a cold hearten murder for all you know. But NO! that piece of information is not vital to you because you are more concerned about her appearance. 

The mistake!

While making small talk the potential mother-in-law asks Beti what are thoughts on this marriage. 

A very nervous Beti heard the mumbling and grumbling and this provoked a loud voice from somewhere inside her.

Well you see lady. I am only 16 years old. As per the law of this country I am underage and can't get married. But that is not even the main reason why I wouldn't want to get married. 

I am 16. A child. 
I have an exam tomorrow and I will more exams for the next 8 years until I finish my engineers degree. YES! I will become an engineer. After those 8 years I will work for 2 years and travel the World for 6 months. After which I will return home and do my Master degree. Oh yeah that will take me at least another 2 years. That totals up to - 12 1/2 years to go + my current age of 16 that equals to 28 and 1/2 years of age. WOW by than your son will be 37 and half years old - right. WRONG. By than your son will be too old for me. As for the criteria of Job description that you set out for me... here are my questions to you?
What chores do you currently do in your home?
Can your son cook? 

How much money does he earn?
How much of that money will be mine?
How much of my money will be mine? 

Is he willing to get a vasectomy after our second child because I don't want any more than 2 children and I don't want to go on any contraception. 

You see it is very easy for society to put pressure on parents to marry their children off. But what for??? Dear society, how about you give me $20K to get married. How about that huh?? 

Dear parents, enjoy the company daughter. She is not a burden. Allow her to find love! Allow her to be happy in love and allow her to want to marry.!!!!

So she can have a happily ever after.

Youtube video here

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